As a certified professional coach who works with educators at all levels, I appreciated a recent blog published in Postive.News about the benefits of getting beyond surface-level conversations with others to truly connect with them. Author Tom Pattinson presented ways to initiate deeper conversations that will help anyone spark more meaningful connections this year. If your work, too, is to support the professional growth of others, I think you will find value in Pattinson’s five suggestions, which I have expanded upon for educators who have coaching responsibilities.
Place matters
Conversations that move beyond small talk are most likely to happen in a place where people feel comfortable and at ease. As a coach, that’s a great reminder that putting thought into where and when to have a coaching conversation is an important part of building the coaching relationship as well as ensuring the conversation is meaningful. But this suggestion needs a caveat for coaches—the client’s comfort and ease must come first. Your most comfortable spot may be in your own office surrounded by your resources and tools. A teacher or other coaching client, however, would likely be more comfortable in their own office or classroom. Or perhaps, on a sunny, temperate day, a deeper coaching conversation may best happen during a walk in a nearby attractive area. The rhythmic pacing of walking and the side-by-side position of walking together can promote a sense of equality, create ease, and perhaps even promote creativity in thinking.
Ask open questions (and give them time to respond)
Suggestion two reminds us to listen longer and invite the other person to say more with open-ended “how” questions while withholding judgment. This an important reminder for even the most experienced coaches. Listening to understand rather than reply is a skill that always requires intention and attention, especially during coaching conversations.
Be more vulnerable
Pattinson’s third suggestion is to be more open and vulnerable yourself. Pattinson is writing about friendship and non-professional encounters when he suggests sharing a moment of personal struggle or change. Great advice for friendships, but as a coach, I try to keep the focus on my client. Yet, coaching requires equality and I can’t expect my coachee to feel safe in their vulnerability unless I’m willing to be open, honest, and vulnerable too. In my work as coach, this usually means graciously and honestly admitting what I don’t know and what I can’t do; admitting I’m not an expert who can give guaranteed answers or advice, and most importantly—owning up to my mistakes, including those that deter or damage the coaching relationship. In short—showing up as human and admitting that, even as a coach, I’m human.
Explore values
Exploring the values that underly people’s thinking, choices, and goals is critical to helping someone grow, both professionally and personally. When someone is struggling with choices or resisting what we might see as a clear choice, a deeper coaching conversation will often reveal there is an often unconscious conflict of values, or conflict of values and required action, underlying the visible struggle or resistance. Without surfacing and exploring these conflicts, it’s unlikely meaningful or lasting change will happen. Coaching is personal, even when it’s professional—don’t hesitate to take a coaching conversation to the values level when the conversation seems stuck and the setting feels safe.
Stay present
Perhaps the hardest to achieve in today’s world is turning your full attention to the client sitting before you. To the greatest extent you can, dismiss your own mind’s inner monolog as well as the incessant pull of digital devices and the day’s to-do list. Being fully present to your client allows you to give them your full attention. Yes, it’s hard, and that’s exactly why it’s such a gift of respect, compassion, and care that will build the coaching relationship faster and more deeply than anything you say or any material resource you provide.
Dedicate yourself to your coaching today by choosing just one of these suggestions and bringing intentionality to it in your coaching work this week. Notice how it changes the way you feel during and after the conversation. Notice how it impacts your client and what impact it might be having on the conversation itself. What are you noticing, and what do you want to remember about this practice? Adapt to fit your own style and the needs of those you coach, make it your own, and then next week, try another one. Growth is gradual and most effective when it’s continuous.
Partner with Learning Forward to level up your coaching skills in 2026
Would you like to improve the quality of every coaching conversation, receive valuable feedback on your coaching, have your coaching questions answered, and feel more supported in your own professional growth and development as a coach? Would you like to be mentored by an experienced educational coach with proven effectiveness? Of course, you would—as coaches we welcome professional growth and challenge. Click here to register your interest in staying informed about all of Learning Forward’s coaching resources, online courses, and in-person coaching events.
