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A large cup of insight

Educator hones student-teacher relationships one sugary coffee at a time

By Daniel Horsey
Categories: Collaboration, Equity
August 2010
A couple of years ago, a few minutes after watching a teacher and student spiral into what might be called a spirited discussion about respect, I made a mistake. Fifty-six years old, with a shiny new conflict resolution master’s degree and 20 years of improv and facilitation experience, I thought I could handle a difficult dialogue. The student had been bounced out of his class, and I said something like, “Hey, Jeffrey. That thing, that argument that just happened with Carol (not their real names). You were saying she was being disrespectful to you, and that seems really important to me. Would you take some time, maybe this week, we can walk up the block and I’ll buy you lunch or something, and help me

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Authors

Daniel Horsey

Daniel Horsey (dhorsey@3storystage.com) is restorative justice coordinator at the Academy of Urban Learning in Denver, Colo., and the owner of 3 Story Stage, providing consulting on how to engage in conflict constructively.

Feeding Relationships Words that Work

Acknowledging the tremendous power of nonverbal communication and silence, this is a list of words that have worked for me and on me. Spoken with humility and curiosity, they tend to enrich my relationships.

  • I don’t understand what you mean.
  • Say more.
  • Those earrings are gorgeous. You’ve got such a strong presence.
  • I don’t know you very well, but you write really well, and I notice you’re really important in the building. You seem like you’re really focused on your goals, and you’re a good friend to the people you care about.
  • You’re quiet today.
  • What comes next for you, when you’re done with school?
  • It’s obvious you really want to graduate — you keep putting in your time — but you’re also really struggling with that one teacher. That’s got to be tough to balance.
  • I wonder what your goal was, what you were trying to accomplish.
  • May I take a look at that paper?
  • Would you do me a favor?
  • Please.
  • I’m sorry.
  • Thank you.
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Categories: Collaboration, Equity

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